Moving Blocks and Roller Coasters
At the beginning of this year the voices told me to get ready; things were going to start shaking and some structures would fall down completely.
I got a little scared, but during a meditation I saw a structure I had been building. My guide placed his foot on it and pressed and shook and the structure wobbled but returned to normal.
"Don't worry" he said, "Your foundation is solid. It won't collapse this time."
But they warned me that when things started to fall I would need to be ready.
"You don't have to be afraid" They said, "you are safe and we will get you where you need to be, but it is going to be very fast and we are going to start taking away all the things that have been getting in your way. There's not going to be any room for you to hold onto these things anymore.'
'It's going to feel chaotic and like things are moving too fast. You might get scared and disorientated, but you won't fall."
"It's going to be like a roller coaster?" I asked because I had been seeing lots of roller coaster metaphors at the time.
"Yes" they said, "Just like a roller coaster-- fast and crazy and if you start to doubt that what is holding you is secure you will start to feel panic, but if you trust the harness and track and just go with it you will actually have the opportunity to have a lot of fun."
"You guys are the harness and track?" I asked for clarification.
"Yes, but so is that inner sense that you have that everything will turn out okay."
"Okay" I said, "It's just a roller coaster and I like roller coasters, so lets do this."
So the year started and it's been fast. Of course when they said they were going to take away the things that were blocking me what they really meant was that those things would be pulled up out of me so that I could look at, learn from, heal, and release them. Which is not always comfortable but a great way to learn.
"Your life will be changing really quickly," They said, "You won't have room for any of these things anymore, so we are going to start to sort them out now."
First fear came up (and with it the courage to face it), then pride (and with it's release an understanding of confidence), issues related to the need for external validation arose next (along with the over-riding power of internal acceptance), then restrictions (and freedom).
Right now I feel myself walking into a patter of lessons related to guilt (and conversely forgiveness and/or justice maybe).
All of these lessons are leading up to the bigger lessons, I realized. The lesson I have been wanting to learn since childhood-- to understand unconditional love. Unconditional love, I realized while working on freedom, encompasses all of these lessons within itself.
"Guilt isn't helping you" the voices have said, "you don't have room for it anymore so we are going to look at where it is coming from and then it will be time to let it go."
As a result of this being the new lesson, guilt has become the primary challenging emotion I've had to contend with for the past week or so-- but seeing it is teaching me a lot about what it is and where I am still holding onto it. It will start to clear out soon, but I'd like to write about some of the things I've been learning in the process.
I'm not able to write them right this second-- I have to get ready for work now, but soon. I am aiming for tomorrow and maybe the next day if time and energy allows.