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Into the Dark

March 3, 2019

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Finding Inner Peace

March 26, 2019

 

I woke up this morning with this image in my head. It was like an explanation of some of the experiences I've been having lately-- especially in my sleep. On the one hand there is all this noise. There is so much of it that it feels like a black cloud of words endlessly worrying, judging, comparing, fearing, etc. But then beneath all the words there is a place where there is absolute peace. 

 

The words go around and around like a storm and if you are not careful you can get sucked into them and thrown around too. This happens especially when I start to think about how other people might see me or what I'm going to do in the future to make a living, etc. If I let myself get sucked into one of those thought streams everything goes dark and I feel stressed and scared and lost. 

 

But.. If I can step out of the storm of thoughts and focus on what is around me right now then I can sink back to a space of peace.

 

I don't know how other people perceive me. I don't know what the future will be like. All I know is that right now, in this moment I have everything I need and more. Right now in this moment there is beauty, there is peace, there is love, and air, and kindness. In this moment I am full and happy and capable of doing anything. In this moment I am safe and alive and bursting with a desire to be alive. 

 

This is not a new concept. It is basically the idea of meditation, mindfulness, and presence. Yet there is  such a big difference between living in the two spaces. When I let myself get blown away by the thoughts everything becomes blurry and distorted and I am afraid and guilty and worthless. When I let myself sink down out of the thoughts everything becomes clear again and I remember what it means to be alive and what it is I am moving towards. I can see the vision that I have for my future and I get so excited for it to become tangible so that I can share it, but one or two stray thoughts and I'm back in the cloud again and the vision is lost completely. 

 

One day I will learn how to stay out of that thought cloud.

 

Right now I am learning to recognize the difference between when I am in it and when I am not so I can learn how to extract myself from it. Everything takes time. Recognizing and staying out of thought storms takes practice, but what they showed me in this image is that there is always a place of shelter. No matter how bad a storm seems or how deadly and insurmountable it feels there is always a place beyond it's reach and in time we can learn to get to that place and enjoy the peace even though the storm rages overhead. There is safety and shelter, it just takes practice learning to get out of the storm. 

 

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