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Into the Dark

March 3, 2019

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Fire

March 22, 2019

I had a really cool meditative experience(s) recently that I wanted to share with you. I hope you don't mind. It's kind of long...

 

 

For at least the last month (maybe longer) I've been having dreams with the reoccurring themes of fire and breaking glass. I know fire can represent spirituality and transmutation and I figured the glass represented unseen blockages. In my dreams the fire was usually locked in the glass with other people and I've been having to break the glass to get people out before they burn, but sometimes breaking the glass has made the fire stronger. I figured it was symbolic and had to do with transformation and breaking through old ways of seeing things (the shadow and light of forward movement etc).

 

Lately things have felt really dense and dark around me. It feels like these shadows are leaping out of people and roaming around. I've been trying my best to provide light but I've been getting overwhelmed too and I've been praying and meditating a lot to ask for support because it's been challenging to stand up in it all.

 

 Yesterday I went to the gym to run and meditate on the music and while I was there 3 of the television screens which were playing separate channels suddenly had images of flames on them.

 

"Okay, fire is significant" I thought, "but you'll have to be more specific because I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that."

 

I went home and did my meditation and instead of my Lion spirit guide who I normally visualize during meditation a Tiger appeared and was helping me clear mud out of my eyes.

 

Then I had an inclination to pull tarot cards from a new deck I'd purchased but haven't used much. I opened the box and out of habit I turned the deck over. The bottom card was the tiger and next to the word tiger it said "fire." So I read the description which had to do with strength, solitude, passion, and balance of light and dark. Then I shuffled the cards and did a spread. The card on the left is supposed to represent solutions to emotional challenges, the tiger/ fire card appeared there. I read the description more carefully but still wasn't sure what to do with it.

 

This morning I woke feeling pain again. It's like a pulsing electric feeling extending from my heart through my hands and then through the rest of my body. I also felt like my heart was crying (I've been feeling this way a lot for the last month as well). There is a sensation of dissolving and sobbing and grief.

 

I didn't want to get up at first because the feelings were overwhelming and I was already exhausted feeling them, but I got up and talked to my best friend like I usually do in the mornings. The conversation was good but at the end I started feeling that pain again and it was growing and then the noise in my head started to get loud.

 

After I got off the phone the pain got worse and I was feeling irritated and off balance. I sat down, took some breaths and asked where the pain was coming from and what I could do. I saw the deck of cards again so I went, shuffled, and pulled just one card. It was the tiger/ fire card. I read it again but still didn't understand. I did notice it talked about taking time alone to rest so I decided to go to the park and walk around for a little while to see if that would restore some of my energy.

 

I also saw an image of a parasitic creature in my energy field above the back of my right shoulder which is where a lot of pain was coming from. I did a quick white light meditation and it softened the pain but didn't really resolve the problem.

 

I went to the park and walked around trying to understand the meaning of fire and the irritation that was getting stronger.

 

 "I don't want to send out resentment" I thought, "But this is too much. I can't keep carrying all of this. People keep coming to me for help with emotional stuff and I love being able to help but it's getting too heavy and I need help now."

 

I was starting to feel angry because it felt too overwhelming and I remembered the tiger card talking about passion and aggression as well.

 

"Anger isn't bad" I thought, "It can destroy, but it can destroy the things that are holding us back, it's powerful."

 

The anger grew and grew, especially around my right shoulder. Then all of a sudden it felt like a flame erupted in that area.  Next I saw orange flames all over me but they felt good because they were eating away all the heavy, dark energy that was too much to carry. I realized I could change the color of the flames if I wanted (from orange which represents emotion to violet which is the spiritual/ psychic energy). I let the purple flames take over and I saw all the dark energy particles dissolve and from them sprang pure white birds which flew out of the flames into the sky.

 

I realized that the dark energy was like heavy envelopes concealing prayers. What had looked like neediness to me a moment ago revealed a prayer for true fulfillment and self worth. Where there had been anger there was a prayer for healing and compassion. Fear and worry became a desire for comfort and security. Once the envelopes were burned away then the true prayers were free to fly to the heavens where they could be answered and I felt relief and joy again.

 

Everything will be okay. I knew more concretely, and I smiled.

 

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