Sometimes I feel like there is a very brief moment when I get one aspect of my life figured out where I can actually exhale and enjoy it before the next thing comes and knocks me off my feet. I know I'm complaining and that actually this process isn't bad, it's just that there is always more to learn.
For me, this year has been one based on stretching and growth. I mean this in terms of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional topics. Yoga makes a great metaphor for all of it. I was reminded of just how great a metaphor it makes when I went to practice today. I haven't been as consistent with yoga as I would like to be; I still kind of dread yoga day because... well.. it's uncomfortable. I feel like I spend a lot of time counting down the breaths until I can switch positions only to find myself in a new spot that is equally difficult to maintain.
It's a good metaphor for this year in general though. I got what I asked for, really. Just like I got what I expected when I turned on the YouTube channel I use for yoga. I wanted to become stronger, more flexible, and more capable of handling difficulty. Life has been giving me what I've wanted. My response has been to complain vehemently about it in my head, but in the end I know that it's for the best and I'm really happy that I've had these lessons, even if I curse them while they are taking place.
I want to be a better person. I know that isn't something that happens easily or instantly. It takes a lot of work, some rest and reflection, and then a lot more work. I'm fortunate though, I've had some really great teachers come into my life. I know I'm not perfect. I know there will always be more to work on (and I'm glad for that). I will probably always complain when a new growing opportunity comes my way. I'll probably cry and whine and throw a mini-fit inside my head when I feel myself stretching beyond what is comfortable, but in the end I am really, truly grateful for these opportunities.
Whether things work out the way I expect them to or not I've had so many chances to correct past mistakes and try again to be braver, stronger, kinder, and fuller. I still have a lot to do. There is a huge component of fear and humility I can feel on the horizon that I am dreading, even though I look forward to getting over it.
It's pretty amazing actually. Life in all its frustration is kind of amazing. And I know I've been a total mess for most of it, but if you've been with me on this journey, thank you for putting up with my tidal waves of emotions as I try to navigate these moments.