Chaos to Clarity

Personal challenge 11 of 20

I realized today that the photograph files on my computer could be used as an analogy for my mind and it made me feel proud of the work I have done. Not so much of the work I've done organizing my computer files-- which has been tedious but not really challenging-- but the work of figuring out and cleaning up the sludge within my brain.

It sounds silly, but hear me out.

The way my photographs used to be organized were that they were not organized at all. I had a file on my computer labeled photography and inside it were hundreds (maybe close to a thousand) files labeled as DSC number number number or in some cases DSC number number number period number number dash number number dash number, or DSC number number number (copy 1).

It was a mess. Looking at it was overwhelming. To make it worse, when I ran out of space in my camera's memory card and deleted some of the old pictures then the new pictures would down load with the same name and I would end up with my computer asking me to compare and replace files. For a while I put my camera in my closet and didn't want to look at it because it was just too much.

Similarly, my brain was a complete mess and every time I learned something new it just was tossed into the pile of "crap I need to sort out and deal with some day" that I never really intended on touching. Except that eventually it started to overflow and forced me to look at it.

So with my photography what I started to do was making 2 files inside of my photography file labeled as: edited and needs editing. That way after I cleaned up a picture I had somewhere to put it. Then the computer crashed and everything got lost. lol

Fortunately this gave me a new start. This time I started with 2 photography files "originals" and "photography". In photography I had "edited" and "needs editing". The description of how everything is organized now is admittedly boring, but suffice it to say I now have several folders and a specific process for how I label, delete, and copy photos so that they don't become a huge swamp of unusable files. I didn't realize until today that the same thing has been happening in my brain.

This whole process (both on the computer and in my head) has been taking place over the course of several years. There's been a lot of cleaning to do. I'm not done with it yet but I have a system in place now for sorting the new information and am slowly starting to make progress in cleaning up that old pile of debris (that actually has value but hasn't been put into usable fashion) and it just made me really happy today to realize that there's been progress. I don't have to be overwhelmed by everything in my life or on my computer anymore. I can finally see where I'm going. It's not perfect. It's still messy and I still need to figure out what to do with some things but I feel hopeful again. I feel like I can finally see through all the chaos and realize that it does fit together somehow.

It might seem stupid. It's not some grandly wise observation. But I feel like I've been working in the dark and I can finally see the light and it is such a relief. So I just wanted to share that. I know we all have times when things get overwhelming and feel out of place. It's nice to finally get to the point where you at least know where you are going. I'm happy. That's all. Happy that I can see progress and happy to feel like there is a more concrete sense of hope now. I don't have to rely as much on "blind faith" because I can see that things are falling into place.

Thank you for reading this and sharing in this moment of happy.

#Healing #MentalHealth #LifeLessons

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