Into the Dark
I've been having some intense dreams lately. The imagery has been much more graphic than usual and the coloring has predominantly been in black and white. There is a sense of darkness about them, but the darkness isn't always in relation to me.
Last night I had a dream about someone that I don't think was supposed to be me, even though the dream took place in the first person point of view. The main character was a female who was around high school age and had many similarities to me, but I just felt like it wasn't me.
In the dream she was struggling to keep up with life stuff. She lived in a nice house but there was something uneasy about her. In her room there appeared a window. It's a window I've been seeing in my dreams a lot lately-- it's very square and completely black, beyond it is a dark void and from it emanates a sense of desperate isolation. The first time I saw that window I was not dreaming. I was either in high school or college and had come home. I was laying on my bed and the wall turned into a giant window and behind the window a tunnel opened up and I thought it would suck me into it, but it also seemed to have shadows coming out of it.
The window appeared in this dream and the feeling of unease and distress. The girl was frightened and tried to tell her mom, but her mom became annoyed.
"I don't want to hear about any of that poltergeist BS" the mom said, "and you are going to infect your siblings with that talk, do you want them to grow up being afraid and in pain?"
So even though the window was there, the girl pretended she didn't see it. She ignored the shadows that crept out of it and she even ignored when objects started flying across the room. When a book flew across the room on its own she looked at her mom and her mom shook her head-- It's not real so don't say anything-- she seemed to tell her.
In her silence the girl became more isolated and less certain about what was real. Those things couldn't exist, she told herself and she kept ignoring them even though she felt part of her was drowning in the isolation and shadows. She just wouldn't look at them. If I ignore them long enough, they'll go away.
I woke up with the song "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie in my head and it has been replaying all day.
I know the dream could easily be interpreted as my personal experience and maybe that's what it was but I kept feeling that it was also a message/ explanation related to someone else, so I felt like I should share it.
Here's the important part of this post: Sometimes things get dark. We think that if we keep silent or ignore them they will go away or we will somehow protect others from experiencing them, but this is rarely the case. The only way to fight the shadows is by shedding light on them. Ignoring darkness only gives it more space to grow and keeping silent only creates a precedent in which silence continues and everyone suffers alone. It takes courage to talk about dark things. Often the people who are brave enough to speak up are criticized or ostracized as though they themselves are the dark thing, but the darkness will never go away if we ignore it. It needs to be faced, looked at, understood, shared.
You don't have to be alone. I see the darkness all the time and if you see it too then it's okay. I won't run from you or it. We are in this together.
"All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle" Sir Francis of Assisi
Let's be brave enough to light our candles.